Imposter Syndrome Never Really Goes Away

At least it hasn’t for me…

It was early spring. I remember because I had just migrated from my winter coat to a windbreaker I’d been dying to wear for a couple of months. My 3rd-grade teacher, Mrs. Haganman, called me to her desk as we wrapped up an English lesson. I had just written a poem about things I wondered about. I remember the line “Why do butterflies make cocoons? Why do people call lunchtime noon?“

Anyway, being called to the teacher’s desk is sort of scary when you’re a shy third grader. Had I done something wrong? Did I make a mistake in my homework? I put my head down and trudged to her desk. She was holding a story I had written just after school had started the fall before. It was called “The Secret Talk”. She told me I had done great work and that I had been chosen to represent the third-grade class at an upcoming writer’s conference at a nearby liberal arts university.

She went on to explain that I would get to sit in on sessions with real writers to learn more about writing, so I could get even better. Then she told me something no shy, introvert with budding imposter syndrome wants to hear: “You’ll get to read your story in front of these writers and other students.”

Imposter Syndrome Takes a Stronghold

The morning of the Young Writers’ Conference arrived, and I faked being sick. Or maybe I was actually sick. The thought of reading my story in front of other people, who might judge me or laugh at me, was just too much. So I missed an opportunity to showcase my work because imposter syndrome held me hostage.

I was nominated to attend the conference again in fifth grade for a story about a supersized grasshopper that wreaked havoc on a small town. Once again, the same feelings of “this story isn’t good enough”, “those others are better than me”, and my favorite, “I could have done better,” crept in. But this time, I pushed through. With sweaty palms, I read my story and sat in small rooms with distinguished writers, all the while feeling that I didn’t belong.

I didn’t call it imposter syndrome at the time; it was just a feeling that was pervasive, always. If I knew an answer in class, I wouldn’t raise my hand – what if I wasn’t right? If I had a good idea, I’d tell someone else about it and let them take the credit. Because what if it wasn’t a good idea, after all? This constant self-doubt followed me through my academic career and several career changes. It seems to be outrunnable.

The Fraudster Within

We’re on the verge of another spring, but it’s 37 years after I wrote “The Secret Talk”. It’s funny how the seasons and imposter syndrome cycle through the years. I’ve been writing professionally for a decade. I never lost the love of writing.

And, even with all those years of extra experience, I still feel less than. Every time I send off a blog post, newsletter or white paper I’ve written for a client, I tell myself that it’s not good enough. I should have researched more, added a few more stats, edited it one more time. It’s never my best work. Some of it is just plain garbage. What authority do I have to write on this subject? Why is someone paying me to do this? This voice telling me I’m a fraud lives rent-free in my mind. I’m not sure where it comes from or what its purpose is. I’m waiting for the day I hit the publish button and think, “Wow, that was some great work.”

Is it Possible to Overcome Imposter Syndrome?

Experts tell us that imposter syndrome is “broadly characterized as an intense feeling of being a fraud despite objective evidence of competence” (Bravata et al.). There are several characteristics that may make some people more prone to imposter syndrome, including (Grasse et al.):

• feelings of otherness (not belonging)
• trouble relating to others
• being a high achiever who fails to internalize their accomplishments
• having parents with high expectations
• being in a gender, ethnic or socioeconomic minority group

None of these situations resonates deeply with me, so I guess the reasons for imposter syndrome aren’t always textbook science. Maybe some people are born with the “always question myself” gene.

Whether or not it’s possible to overcome imposter syndrome is hard to say. For some, treatment options – including group workshops, cognitive behavioral therapy or narrative therapy – may help. But a systematic review done by Bravata and team found very little research documenting the assessment of effective treatments for imposter syndrome. That means there’s little evidence to show that any of these treatments consistently help those struggling with it.

We All Have Something

As for me, I continually try to develop myself. I know what my weaknesses are and do my best to work on them. I remind myself that my voice is unique. My stories are important. And, I’m not the only one who sometimes feels like a fraud. Everyone struggles with something. Let’s just keep doing our best, supporting each other and being kind. There’s a whole lot of goodness in that.

References

Dena M Bravata, Sharon A Watts, Autumn L Keefer, Divya K Madhusudhan, Katie T Taylor, Dani M Clark, Ross SNelson, Kevin O Cokley, and Heather K Hagg. 2020. Prevalence, predictors, and treatment of impostor syndrome: asystematic review. Journal of General Internal Medicine 35 (2020), 1252–1275.

Katelyn M. Grasse, Nic Junius, Kevin Weatherwax, Shweta Sisodiya, Amanda Martin, and Elin Carstensdottir. 2024. Pseudo-Scientist: Towards Narrative Interventions for Imposter Syndrome. Proc. ACM Hum.-Comput. Interact. 8, CHI PLAY, Article 334 (October 2024), 29 pages. https://doi.org/10.1145/3677099